


I Don't Want Flowers (But a Dogwood Will Do)

by SubtextEquals



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 10:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7504795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SubtextEquals/pseuds/SubtextEquals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius asks the age old question: how do you tell someone you hate them using only flowers? Remus has the answer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Want Flowers (But a Dogwood Will Do)

**Author's Note:**

> Based on that tumblr prompt: Person A owns a flower shop and person B comes storming in one day, slaps 20 bucks on the counter and says “How do I passive-aggressively say fuck you in flower?”
> 
> Because sometimes you just have to do it.

The man strode into the flower shop. Dressed in a leather jacket, his long black hair flowing loose and as violently as his movements, someone less versed in the clientele of the flower shop might say he looked out place. It was less that and more his…

He slammed his hand down on the counter. Silver sickles gleamed between his fingers, caught between his palm, knuckles, and battered wood. “How do I passive aggressively say ‘fuck you’ in flowers?” he barked.

...his manners?

“With a charm or without?” Remus asked.

“With as many charms as it takes. Oh, and make sure to include a lily.”

Remus nodded. “I’m afraid I can’t help cast a charm, but if you wait for my--”

 

“No time,” the man said. “I need it today.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Not a dish best served cold?”

“No, I need to serve it before it’s cold as a freezing spell in Antarctica.”

“Then we’d better get started. Mister?”

“Call me Sirius.”

“Sirius. Any further-- creative input?” Remus asked.

The man shook his head. “Go wild. I trust you.”

Remus smiled wistfully. If Sirius knew what he was, he might not be eager to speak to him let along think of trust. Saving his self-pity for when his customer left, he set to work. Still bandaged fingers worked fast. Gnawed hands of not, he had the bouquet ready in no time

“Here.” He held up his ware. “Germaniums for stupidity, foxglove means insincerity, yellow carnations for disappointment, and, my favorite, orange lilies for hatred.” As he explained, he pointed at the flowers in turn. “What do you think?”

“Perfect! Wait til I show Evans. Oh, she’ll love it.”

Remus smiled at the manic glow on Sirius’s face. He opened the money drawer. “That’ll be--”

Sirius pushed all the galleons forward. “No, keep them. You did a great job. Consider it a tip.”

Remus waited for the laugh but none came. “I couldn’t--”

Sirius held up his hand. “I insist. The customer’s always right until he’s an annoying shit. And I’m not, not to you anyway.” He winked and made for the door.

Remus looked at the galleons. “You must really hate...” His voice died with a crack when he realized. “Evans? Lily Evans?”

The request for the lilies made sense now. The wizarding world was small and the clientele of this flower shop more so. Many was the time when a certain James Potter, of a similarly well endowed purse, came in to buy flowers for the fiance he so adored. He’d talked of a reluctant best mate, Sirius. Though Mr. Potter had never mentioned he was so handsome.

Sirius brightened. “So James does come here often.”

“Yes.” Remus drew a breath. “And he’s a good, friendly man who’s head over heels in love, which you I’m sure you know.” Remus narrowed his eyes. “You’re not giving that to his fiancee, are you?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Then I can’t accept this.” Remus slid the galleons toward Sirius. “They sound like a wonderful couple.”

“No, no. You don’t understand. This is for her to give to someone.”

“To--” Remus blinked. “What?”

“Yeah, there’s a creep trying to slither back in her life. It’s time to send a message. She’ll add a few finishing touches and he won’t know what hit him.” This time the grin had more than a touch of sadistic glee.

“Oh. In that case, I don’t mind.”

Sirius nodded, turned for the door again, then stopped and looked back. “James is a good friend of mine. Thanks for looking out for him.”

“Of course,” Remus said, well aware of his own streak of sadism. James was close to a friend, after all. “I hope it goes well.”

Sirius cackled. “It’ll go horribly.”

 

The clock ticked closer to closing. With not a customer in sight, Remus tidied up. If he could use magic this would go much faster, as his owner had reminded him. And if the full moon weren’t approaching, his joints wouldn’t creak in protest.

Mercifully for his body, he stopped when the bell rang. He looked up and saw Sirius Black grace him with his presence once more.

Remus smiled. “Did it go that well?”

“Oh yes, the happy couple sends their thanks.”

“Glad I could help.”

“I’d like to thank you too.”

Remus’s cheeks flushed. “Sirius, what you did was--”

“I have a question?”

“Yes?” he asked, keeping his eyes focused on Sirius.

“How do you say ‘friendship’ in flowers?”

Something happened that hadn’t in some time. Remus lost control and the resulting smile spread across his face.

“I’ll show you.”


End file.
